behaviour

If your child automatically resorts to throwing things when they are angry or don’t get their own way, I suggest you insist they pick up the objects. I’ve fostered many children who throw things in anger, often because their parents do. Indeed it is surprising just how many otherwise responsible adults resort to hurling objects when angry or upset.

Following my last blog on the importance of mealtimes I thought it might be useful to say a few words about some of the problems connected with eating. As foster carers many of the children we look after often have a poor relationship with food, binging or starving, hoarding food, or refusing the meal we have prepared and then taking food from the cupboard when no one is looking. We nurture our children and take pride in seeing them grow and thrive. Food is essential to sustain life and therefore an intrinsic part of that nurturing and love, so that if a child or young person has a poor relationship with food it is very worrying.

Since the publication of my most recent book, Saving Danny, in which I used a number of strategies for managing Danny’s behaviour, including the closed choice, I have received many emails from readers saying they’d tried the closed choice and were amazed at how successful it was.

Many young people in care feel they have limited say in the decisions that affect their lives and this can have a knock-on effect on their behaviour. Having relinquished responsibility for their actions they no longer hold themselves accountable for the outcome of any negative behaviour. While no one is responsible for the decisions and actions of others we are always responsible for our own decisions and actions, although sometimes we would rather not admit it. Often young people need to have the benefits of taking responsibility for their actions explained to them.

As foster carers we often look after children who have been diagnosed with ADHD or exhibit the symptoms of this condition.

We are all familiar with the naughty step which may also be a naughty chair, spot, or corner. It is a designated area where the child is made to sit alone for a set period of time (usually one minute for each year of the child’s age), until he or she is ready to rejoin the family or group and behave. Many parents, carers, childminders and nursery schools use the naughty chair and find it works well. It allows the child to take time out to calm down and reflect on his or her bad behaviour. It also reinforces in the child’s mind that he or she has been naughty and their behaviour is unacceptable.

So what constitutes behavioural difficulties or a child out of control, and does it apply to your child?