'A profound conversation': foster carers and schools, a story from Wales

As a teenager my family fostered children. Usually they came to us as emergency placements for a range of issues, and each child came with a big bag of worries. We tried to adopt one of our long-term placed children and that failed. The impact was profound and, as a family, we still mull it over thinking about the potential possibilities that were not ours to fulfil.

Strong people with an idea

Stephen and Diana are foster parents who have fostered an astonishing 81 children in 17 years.  When I spoke to them they told me that they had considered adoption and had seen many successful long-term placements. Diana described the children they have looked after as ranging from babies to teenagers, and fondly described her first two little boys and being told she would be great at fostering…and she went from there. Stephen who describes himself a as an older foster carer (he’s 71) told me that fostering seemed the right thing to do: ‘There are huge lifts like successful adoption…but it’s not for everyone.’ They are two wonderful, strong people with an idea…

Stephen and Diana currently have two boys are in my school. Both boys, Jake and Dylan are delightful. They came to Stephen and Diana as short-term placements. Jake has cerebral palsy and global delay meaning his learning needs are complex. Dylan is always busy, so the difference between the two boys is marked. Jake’s needs were not disclosed when the boys were placed with Stephen and Diana.

The school has had a pivotal role in the next chapter in the boys lives. We responded by having every agency around the table to map out Jake’s needs and what we could do to support his needs. The honest and sometimes emotional discussions about the boys forged a relationship that led Diana and Stephen to consider adopting the boys.

The boys went for adoption but Jake’s needs seemed to prevent the adoption process going forward. We said as a school, to Stephen and Diana, we would work with them and support them with the issues they faced. Both Stephen and Diana have said that the school coming into the boys’ lives was part of their decision to accept the boys as long-term placements because they felt we had committed to the boys futures.

You have more influence than a piece of paper

Stephen then came up with an inspirational idea. He stressed that as a team we should monitor the progress of the boys to adulthood. Stephen is also concerned that Jake with his needs should not be a burden to his little brother. Stephen and Diana don’t wont Dylan to shoulder that responsibility alone. Stephen wants to build a support network around the boys and worries that in the future if he or Diana passes there should always be a network of expansive support across all areas of Jake’s life.

I mentioned the PEP to which Diana replied: ‘You have more influence than the paper’.

Their idea is simple and powerful. They asked me if the principle of an advocate could be something that could be part of the network. Stephen said, ‘The boys need someone to look out for them both…don’t you think it would be great if they could say “One of my educational god fathers is Joe Cudd”…Jake and Dylan deserve your attention after they have left your school…people listen to you…the boys need a call twice a year…to see how they are getting on…this is important to me as an elderly foster carer…these boys need mentors later in their lives…we are building legacy.’

Stephen also said…’I would like to think that someone like you is around long enough to remember when Stephen spoke to me…about this idea…’

The impact of this conversation was profound. A future full of possibilities which we could fulfil, and certainly something to mull over.

The Fostering Network brings together everyone who is involved in the lives of fostered children and young people to lead, inspire, motivate and support them to make foster care better. To support our work visit www.fostering.net/donate or to donate £10 text FOST37 £10 to 7007​