Preparing for Christmas as a foster carer
Christmas is often a time of joy, celebration, and family togetherness. However, for foster carers, the festive period can be filled with both rewarding moments and emotional challenges.
The holidays may be a time when foster children experience heightened emotions due to their separation from family. For some, Christmas may evoke memories of sadness, while for others, it may be their first experience of a family Christmas, which can be overwhelming. The wider narrative of Christmas being a time for family can also highlight feelings of separation, leading to emotional struggles or even guilt for feeling happy within their foster family.
If you're a foster carer, you may be looking for ways to help your foster children navigate these complexities while ensuring the Christmas season remains a time of warmth and positivity. Here are some practical tips for fostering through the festive season:
1. Listen and provide reassurance
Children and young people in foster care may experience a range of emotions at Christmas. Some may feel sadness, confusion, or even guilt for feeling happy when they are away from their families. Listen carefully to their concerns, acknowledge their feelings, and provide additional support where needed. Reassurance that their emotions are valid will go a long way in making them feel heard and cared for.
2. Incorporate their traditions and wishes
If your foster child has celebrated Christmas in the past or has certain traditions they hold dear, it’s important to ask them about these and see how they can be incorporated into the festivities. Whether it’s a specific decoration, a dish they remember, or a special holiday activity, involving them in the planning can make them feel included and valued. You could also engage in fun activities together, like baking Christmas treats, crafting decorations, or choosing matching family pyjamas, making it a memorable and shared experience.
3. Respect cultural and religious differences
Foster carers may care for children or young people of different faiths who do not celebrate Christmas, or you may be a carer from a faith that doesn’t celebrate the holiday. In these cases, it's important to have a conversation about how to celebrate holidays and festivals in a way that respects everyone's traditions and beliefs. Discuss plans with your supervising social worker to ensure everyone’s cultural and religious needs are met, whether it's planning alternative celebrations or focusing on the secular aspects of Christmas.
4. Tailor traditions to their needs
When it comes to Christmas traditions, it's essential to consider your foster child’s specific needs and past experiences. For example, if a stocking at the end of the bed feels intrusive or triggering due to past trauma, placing it under the tree may be a better option. Be sensitive to their feelings and find ways to make the season feel special and comfortable for them.
5. Plan family time and contact well in advance
Christmas can be a difficult time for foster children who may still have contact with their families. Make sure any family time or contact visits are planned well in advance and that everyone involved is clear on the arrangements. Helping your foster child create or choose a gift for their loved ones can also be a meaningful way to support these relationships and allow the child to express their feelings.
6. Consider the budget and keep it simple
The pressure to buy extravagant gifts or have a “perfect” Christmas can be overwhelming. It’s easy to get carried away, but remember that Christmas is not just about presents. Consider sticking to a budget, perhaps by doing a Secret Santa with extended family, or opting to make homemade gifts or decorations to give to adults in the wider family. A "bring and share" buffet can also ease the financial strain.
Remember, some of the best traditions are low-cost or even free, such as a family walk after Christmas lunch, a festive movie night at home, or playing classic games like charades.
If you have a membership service, check the website for any discounts on days out/ activities near you. You could also search online for free family Christmas days out, such the website Days Out with the Kids who have compiled a list from around the UK on their website here.
7. Be mindful of sensory overload
For some children, the noise, smells, and new routines of Christmas can be overwhelming. This is especially true for those who are relatively new to the household. Try spacing out gift-giving across multiple days (for example, before and after Christmas lunch or into Boxing Day) to reduce stress. Keeping familiar routines and structures can also provide a sense of stability during the holiday period.
8. Ensure internet safety and health precautions
Christmas often comes with new gadgets and gifts, such as phones, tablets, and gaming consoles. It's important to ensure that parental controls are in place and that any new devices are safe for the children in your care.
Additionally, keep first-aid items on hand for any minor health issues, and check the opening hours for your local pharmacy and GP.
9. Be aware of alcohol use
The festive period often involves social gatherings where alcohol is present. For some children, past experiences with alcohol may be linked to trauma or abuse. It’s essential to be mindful of this and ensure that alcohol is stored securely and consumed responsibly in your home. Your fostering service may also have specific policies on alcohol use that can guide your decisions during the holiday season.
10. Social media and photography permissions
If extended family members or friends are taking photos during family celebrations, ensure that permissions are in place regarding the children in your care. Some may have restrictions around being photographed or appearing on social media, so be proactive in checking with your fostering service.
11. Kinship carers and wider family members
For kinship foster carers, the holidays may bring up complex emotions around their own relationships with wider family members, as well as for the child in their care. Check in advance who will be attending any family celebration, and if this will conflict with the care plan and family time/contact arrangements in place.
Agree strategies with your supervising social worker so you have a plan in place in case unexpected situations arise, such as an uninvited parent attending a family event.
12. Offer your support if able
The festive season can be a busy time for fostering services, as some children may need to move to a new foster home during this time. Let your fostering service know if you have space and availability to welcome a child into your home over the Christmas period. It’s also a good idea to have generic presents like chocolates, toiletries, or stationery on hand in case another child needs a gift during this time.
13. Out of hours support
We know Christmas can be a challenging time for fostering families. Should you need support over the holidays, please keep the information below close at hand. The Fostering Network members can access our legal advice line and stress and support service at any time.
The number is 01384 885 734. These lines remain open 24 hours a day, every day of the year. More information and contact details is available here. Fosterline advice lines remain open until Tuesday 24th December (12.30pm in Wales, 1.30pm in Northern Ireland, 4pm in Scotland and 5pm in England) and re-open on Thursday 2nd January in Wales, Northern Ireland and England, and Friday 3rd January in Scotland.
Your fostering service or local authority or trust will continue to have an out of hours provision in place during this period for emergency situations.
14. Set realistic expectations and practice self-care
Finally, it’s important to set realistic expectations for yourself. Christmas doesn’t have to be perfect, and trying to meet the pressure of a flawless holiday can lead to burnout. Build in some self-care time for yourself, whether it's taking a walk, enjoying a long bath, or watching a favourite movie. By taking care of your own well-being, you'll be better equipped to provide care and create positive memories for the children in your care – the odd hiccup may be looked back on with humour and affection by everyone in years to come!
A thank you to all foster carers
Christmas is a time for making memories, and as a foster carer, you play an essential role in creating positive experiences for the children in your care. At this time of year, The Fostering Network wants to thank all foster carers for their amazing commitment and wish you a very happy Christmas and a wonderful year ahead.
Remember, this holiday season is about love, compassion, and making memories – even if things don’t go perfectly. The joy you bring to the lives of the children in your care will last far beyond the festive season.
