Happy Kids Forum
A difficult relationship?
Parent/carer (PC):Hi Cathy. My son is seven and really nervous, but what’s worrying me is his attitude towards his brother. His brother can sit and play nicely and he can just walk by him and pinch him. He is often not nice towards him and does things on purpose to make his brother sad and upset. I’ve tried many times to sanction him.
Cathy Glass (CG): My initial thoughts are that something is worrying your eldest son or he feels jealous towards his younger brother. This is very common behaviour with younger siblings. Do you make a point of telling him how special he is? What a big boy and put time aside for one to one? Do the boys have separate bedtimes? I think they should so the older one can stay up a bit later. Also have you sat him down quietly, just the two of you and asked him why he is behaving like this and what he feels needs to happen to make him stop?
PC:Thank you for your advice. The boys have the same bed time because they share bedroom and to be honest I don’t have one to one with my older son very often. I am going to change that and make sure I praise him and let him know he is loved. Once again thank you.
Potty training
CG: Potty training is all the Ps: Praise, perseverance, patience and persistence.
'Victim mentality'
PC: My 8 year old son has a ‘victim mentality’ so when I tell him off he just gets negative with “poor me”. Do you have any suggestions? Suzanne.
CG: Children of this age often respond to being told off by either feeling sorry for themselves or with an angry outburst. I suggest you try using the 3Rs technique (see my book Happy Kids). Make sure you carefully explain to him what he has done wrong and that it is the act that is bad not him. I would also try sanctioning him rather than verbally telling him as I think a change in strategy might help.
Challenging behaviour
PC: I have contacted you before and you gave me brilliant advice, so I’m hoping you don’t mind doing do again. My 10-year-old daughter’s behaviour has become terrible. She’s cheeky in school and at home and getting into trouble at after school club. She’s got a group of friends we have said we don’t want her playing with as they are trouble makers, but because they are popular our daughter wants to be with them, and has told us that she will not stop playing with them. She is going to high school in September and we are really concerned that this behaviour will land her in serious trouble.
CG: I think your daughter is suffering from the ‘big fish in a small pond’ syndrome. Do you remember I talk about this in my book Happy Kids? Many children this age have effectively outgrown primary school and are more than ready for the challenges of high school. However, obviously keep the boundaries for good behaviour in place. Although your daughter appears not to care about the sanctions you have implemented, she will underneath. Don’t forget to praise her at ever opportunity and the message will get through. You can’t stop who she sees at school and the after school club, but you can outside of school. And check nothing is worrying her. So often challenging behaviour is a cry for help.
Thank you
PC: Due to the problems with my older son I decided to purchase Happy Kids to help me to deal with him. After reading the book I understood that I let him control us in many ways! I always find a lot of information in your stories and I am trying to use techniques every day if needed. I love closed choice technique. I just want to say thank you.
Cathy Glass
