Me and my husband started fostering in 2012, and the following year I was diagnosed
with multiple sclerosis (MS). I often wonder what we would have done if that had happened the other way around. Truthfully, I know we would have thought that my MS would rule out that option. What a shame that would have been. In the 10 years since, we have helped scores of looked after children, directly in our own home and many more indirectly through our work supporting families through the Mockingbird Family model.

I had an unusual diagnosis – often MS can take years to pinpoint. I had suffered a blow to head during an incident with our young boy. I had a brain scan as a precaution and the MS showed up. Within a week I was fully diagnosed.

It is the only time in my life that I have ever felt true devastation, and I'll admit that I did take a week to myself to let it sink in. My then social worker, Sarah, was one of the biggest sources of support. Maybe as we had only known each other for a year, it felt easier to talk to someone who knew me but who I didn't need to feel guilty when speaking to. 

Having an uncertain future brings a potential burden to those around you. The effect of this long term was a bond like no other with my social worker – never fearful to share what was going on for me, my family or my foster child. I have never felt so supported in my life and it was made clear that my diagnosis was not a barrier at all to my fostering journey.

I made a decision fairly quickly, that if my window to make a difference was shorter, then I would give it all I've got, whilst I could. I am proud to say that the young boy involved in the incident leading to my diagnosis stayed still with us until adulthood, nine years in total. My commitment and love for him have never faltered, although my belief in my ability has. And that’s why I want to share this experience.

As the years have gone on, sometimes I am less capable of doing things; I can sadly no longer run around the park, but I’m happy to race anyone on my mobility scooter. Sometimes we are out from dusk til dawn, other days, I need a break in the middle. I am sure that at times, my boys feel a sense of frustration or disappointment when plans have to be altered. 

However they take this in their stride knowing that my husband is there, and that sometimes the best things come from altering those plans. I feel amazed at the life skills they are developing and actually, a sense of pride that I have enabled in them, a deeper sense of caring, empathy and an ability to overcome a setback. On those days when we aren't chasing a ball together, maybe I will sit and watch, observing them and really taking in who they are becoming. Before I was enforced to sit out occasionally, and I don’t think I ever took time to notice just how incredible they are, to really appreciate the strengths that they've developed.

Other days we play games, sit and read books or watch films. Often before, I was inclined to put a film on to give me an hour to 'catch up'. Now, rather than catching up on cleaning toilets and wiping the kitchen sides, I catch up with my family.

And they are my family – I don’t care what anyone says, we have a bond like no other. They know and accept me, with all my faults and I return the same to them. We are supportive, empathic, and loving. We each have our own challenges – sometimes I’m slow walking up the stairs and sometimes they get in trouble at school, but having an understanding that none of us are perfect, but we can all try our best to make a positive impact on the world is how our family works.

Honestly, I'm not sure that the best parts of our family would ever truly have surfaced without my diagnosis, and that's why I truly believe that having MS has made me a better carer.